Avurudu is a wonderful time. It’s a time for family, togetherness, food, presents, and of course, many, many holidays, which is what we all look forward to. It is a time when our mothers and grandmothers force kiribath and sweets on us, and we don’t resist because calories get a holiday on Avurudu as well. It is a time for new things; when we do spring cleaning, get new clothes, grab all the deals and offers we can, and shop till we drop.
Literally drop—which is probably the only problem with Avurudu. If you are going to shop, you are going to drop, like the extra in an action movie that gets stabbed in the opening sequence, and the one who is doing the stabbing is probably an aunty with eyes like a hawk and elbows of steel.
Avurudu is a great time for shopping. There are deals and offers, variety, and free stuff, but there’s also heat, sweat, crowds, and a lot of competition. Avurudu shopping is tough; so tough that there are many things much easier to do than Avurudu shopping. Here are a few such things.
A burly dude with both his extra large hands in your mouth at the same time is probably easier to deal with than Avurudu shopping. The dentist will inject your gums with novocaine, stick cotton balls in your cheeks, drill down to your root, and pull the whole thing out, and then fill it with cement. It’s painful, uncomfortable, and probably still easier than going out shopping.
A root canal lasts half an hour. Shopping in crowds is like root canal treatment on all of your teeth at once… and it lasts for much, much longer.
Teaching Parents To Use Social Media
Social media and parents don’t mix. They scolded you for spending too much time on Facebook instead of studying, frowned at you when they saw you shooting zombies on your phone screen, and took away your phone privileges during exam time. But times have changed, and now they want in on all the fun and it’s up to you to provide it.
“Puthe, can you find my school friend I lost touch with thirty years ago?” can lead to an entire evening wasted. And your mom raging against teenagers on public forums is a sight to behold. You technically become an always-on-call IT support person—and you’re not even paid!
Getting A Tattoo from Pettah
Tattoos are basically superficial, intricate wounds flooded with ink. Take that concept and plunk it in the middle of Pettah, where men will offer you tattoos at very shady prices. Most of the time, these men wouldn’t even be in tattoo parlours. You could be at a fruit stall, buying apples for a healthy snack, when you hear a “Psst. Psst. Malli, you want a tattoo? Only Rs. 300!” from the fruit vendor.
Now, to those who think this is a steal, we suggest you vehemently refuse. Chances are you’ll walk away from the experience with more than what you bargained for.
Dealing With Hours-Long Power Cuts
People are scrambling to get all their work done for a different reason this month, and it has very little to do with clearing the deck before the holidays arrive.
Given the recent “situation”, many of us have no choice but to deal with lengthy power cuts.
This means no WiFi, no charging your phone or laptop batteries, and often involves sitting in the sweltering heat till it comes back. Oh, and when you light those candles just so you can navigate without losing your pinky toe to furniture, it sure feels like you’ve been transported to the Sahara at mid-day.
But these exact same things can and will happen while you’re out Avurudu shopping.
No Wi-Fi? Check. Dead batteries? Check. Stores without lights or air conditioning? Check. Sweating till you look like you’ve just had a shower? Check. Oh! And losing random body parts? A possibility.
Just in case you’re the kind of fact-conscious individual who might take this article at face value, we’d like to state that it is, indeed, humour—but it is also (almost) true. Shopping is hard, but you don’t have to venture out into the heat and crowds to buy stuff for your friends, family, and yourself. You can shop online. It’s like a shopping extravaganza but for introverts. You can buy what you want right from the peace and comfort of your own home. You get the same variety with none of the competition, and all of the discounts. So, if the great outdoors of shopping is not for you, you do have options.
Brought to you by HSBC
When it’s easy as Kokis, go with it